What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
