i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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