I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
