The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
