guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
