Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize