Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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