Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
