i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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