just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
