I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
