The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
