Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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