I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
