I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize