I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My vagina is very pro this idea
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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