She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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