so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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