Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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