Plan B is the new Plan A
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
