I can text with my tongue
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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