i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
