that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
