Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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