I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
