I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize