Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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