I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
