You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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