I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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