Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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