I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
