My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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