so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
