Buhtt sex?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
