what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize