just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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