apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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