we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize
