hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
