Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just want to make out with him forever
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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