allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
