I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
