it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
