my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
