I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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