There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
