If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
