You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
