wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
