I feel like abortions should bother me more
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
