If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
