so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
