Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
