apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize