i'm signing you up for texting rehab
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
