A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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