Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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