I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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