Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
