Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
