He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
