I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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