he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
