i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
