i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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