This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
